Your brain thinks it's a lion
Fear of rejection sets off fight, flight, or freeze. But it's a person at a coffee shop, not a predator. The longer you wait, the louder your brain gets, so move within 3 seconds. Confidence comes after the rep, not before it.
Open, Body, Thread, Exit
Open
See something, say something, or ask their opinion. Don't memorize lines.
Body
Come from the front or side. Open palms, voice at 6/10, end on the down.
Thread
Ask about their answer and share a bit of yours. Turns of 20 to 35 seconds.
Exit
Leave on a high. Not into it? Smile, thank them, go. Always respect a no.
Exit lines that leave it on a good note
- "Anyway, I'll let you get back to it. Good talking to you."
- "I've gotta run, but this was fun. See you around."
- "Let's keep in touch. What's your Insta?"
- "Thanks for settling that. Have a good one."
The approach ladder
Progressive overload, same as the gym. Do 3 reps at a level before you move up.
Ask for the time or directions
"Hey, do you know if there's a good coffee place near here?"
Give a genuine compliment and walk away
"That jacket's clean. Have a good one." Then keep walking.
Start a 2-minute conversation
"Settle a debate for me. Is this place better for coffee or food?"
Approach someone you're interested in
Same steps. Open, body, thread, exit. Respect whatever they say.
Before your first one
- Box breath: in 4, hold 4, out 4, hold 4.
- Pick your opener from what's in front of you.
- Count 3, 2, 1 and walk. Don't let your brain vote.
Log 3 approaches
After each one, write the level, your opener, what worked, and what you'll change. Every no is proof you're in the game.
Want the version you can fill in?The PDF has the fill-in pages, trackers and a walkthrough video from me. Open it in your PDF app.
Download free guideDon't do this alone.
Get feedback on your reps and practice with guys working on the same thing.